Blame It On The Rain

August 13th, 2008

Hey China… WEAK:

A pretty girl who won national fame after singing at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games was only miming.

The actual singer was booted as she wasn’t as “flawless” (presumably the other girl was only mostly flawless, a little bit flawless or ya know, 60% flawless?) Pretty sure the “west” would have just found a hottie who could sing and let the singing be less than perfect with the perfect body. I’d say that’s how it would have gone down.

“The scroll is a metaphor for paper”… Channel 7 commentators are a metaphor for mong heads.

NBC changing the order of the athletes coming into the stadium? Now that’s more like it.

And lets get the Nazis involved:

I have no doubt these Games are the most significant and politically dangerous since the Berlin Olympics of 1936.

Rup had said the same thing earlier in the day. I’m not sure that they’re as bad as Berlin was, but saying “since Berlin”? Well that’s probably close to the truth? New Zealand? You will never have the Olympics. Ever. Be as whack as you want. (Note, this is in keeping with the security through obscurity policy, so don’t let anybody kick us while we’re down).

China pwning America reminds me of IOUSA (the movie, not the planet) which came down in the last batch of Apple trailers. Along with such gems as FIREPROOF which was going along mediocrely and then suddenly takes a turn for the what the hell?

Full Battle Rattle (American’s build fake Iraqi setup in Mojave and role play war) and Eagle Eye (ultimate Right Wing Nut Jobs setup poor unsuspecting Arab type scheme) are more of what we need, and more of what we want.

While Babylon AD, despite having Vin Diesel in it, is looking set for DVD. With a plot description including:

The “package” is a mysterious young woman with a secret.

And an opening monologue from the trailer of:

Save the planet. What for? Life’s simple. Kill or be killed. A survivors’ code. My code. And it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted by a choice. A choice to make a difference or to walk away and save yourself. I learned something that day. Too bad it was the day I died.

You really have to wonder. But no, you don’t, I’ll do it for you… What happened “Vin”? Was it xXx? I hope so. And I wish someone could take responsibility for The Chronicles of Riddick not being as God Damn Awesome as it could have been. Time for a “reboot” on that please financiers. Er, but good news coming up, he’s signed to Rockfish, whose current plot synopsis simply states:

A man on an alien planet quests to catch an elusive giant fish

Sounds like a doozy. But no, what’s this? Fast and Furious. Yes, that’s the third one. Initially The Fast and The Furious, then all TXT while also covering off the THIS IS A SEQUEL we had 2 Fast 2 Furious, and now, on the race to box office victory, we have the slimmed down simplified Fast and Furious. Although, I think I’d prefer “Fast (and Furious)”, or “Fast, Furious, Felching” or something. It’d be funnier. (Especially for Dan) Er, so that could be cool. (Yes I am jealous, he has the millions of dollars and legions of fans. And I’ll probably see Babylon AD and knowing me I’ll like it. But still… MOCK!)

Right, so this is somewhat of a waffle after my super hard hitting Olympic coverage. Which reminds me, how come the All Whites are the “Oly Whites” when at the olympics? Does someone like FIFA own the name or something? It seems lame. Australia’s woman’s Hockey team recovering from 4-1 to win 5-4 was good to watch and yup Phelps - a better swimmer than I.

Finally, why is the LHC countdown website offline :( I demand an accurate doomsday clock.

More finally, (maybe 20% more final) I have:
1) Pen tells me I can’t have “mediocrely” as a word. I’m showing her what she knows. Shit, apparently I can have it, but as an adverb not a verb. So maybe I will.
2) Yes MCS, “felching” made me laugh at how hilarious I am. In my defence, it’s not only alliteration AND three Fs for the third film, but it seemed funnier than Furries (probably only funny to me), Ferraris (could well be involved in the film), Fashionable/Famous (not amusing) and er, that was the list. With a possible late contender of “Fast, Furious, Fuck off”, being far more of a throwaway line I left here for people still reading. KO Derf. CRAP, another update. It’s actually the fourth film. I forgot about The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Tagline, “If you ain’t outta control, you ain’t in control” but could have been “not as sucky as you might expect”. Oh well, I doubt anyone will notice.

BUT WAIT. There’s more!

Dave, I hear you scored. What happened to the blog? Don’t make us out you as a closet ACT supporter. Reading this reminded me of you. (Not like that).

The [All Whites], playing Brazil, gave their referee the same easy ride. This may have had to do with the New Zealand team’s unspoken game plan. Given winning was out of the question it was to keep the Brazilians from getting angry, and taking out their rage by scoring lots of goals.

A sensible plan. And one I’m pretty sure Dave could be trusted on to think up. Meanwhile, Russia invades Georgia, meanwhile Rick James…

I Think I Need A New Dealer

August 11th, 2008

So the other week the sales manager gave me a blackberry to play with, put our applications on so he can pimp them to people and for me to try and ring up a massive bill on the free account he’d scored off a telco sales dude. Sure I said, I’m on it.

So far my use of the mighty always on mobile Internet has been:

  • Reading metafilter on my 15min train to work.
  • Reading NZ Herald on my 15min train to work.
  • Looking up the lyrics to Advance Australia Fair - for a free donut from KK.
  • Writing this post and then publishing this post from onboard the SkyBus as it returns me to the city.

If this is the crack cocaine, my dealer is cutting it with candy.

I didn’t sing the anthem, was more because I could and because I didn’t even know the first line. I was too fat from chilling with Will (now three and oh you slackers) at the airport Hilton for a few hours as he transited (Venus).

Time to get out my legs and head for home.

(edited at home to add the HTML tags for list)

“Christ on a bike.” - BJA, 6/8/8

August 6th, 2008

This, as they say, and as I’m certainly only told, changes everything. Personally? I’m watching out for the shotgun wielder. He’s… BEHIND YOU.

Tear Your Heart (Blitheringly)

July 24th, 2008

It’s around one in the morning on a Thursday, and I’m for some reason not sleepy, so lets recap.

Nic invaded a castle. Or a church, or something. He did it very slowly. He in fact walked across Spain (the country) this may count as some kind of proof. So, he gets the Hard Core walking across Spain award for the week. It was a close won race, but yeah, he seems to have pulled it out of the bag. His prize appears to be a 15Km beach. Not what I’d organised, but probably a better option.

Just last week I watched some of Heat, and then all of Top Gun and as well as thinking what big hair the 80s had, I thought, what’s Val Kilmer done for us lately? The answer came to me in a dream.

Did I link this before? It’s Muppets + WOW nerdism. And the ending proves comic genius.

Internets Celebrities are holding a press conference right now in front of McDonald’s to let McDonald’s know… Fuck you McDonald’s, we’re tired of your shit.

Well, I laughed at them there Internets Celebrities but then it didn’t really live up to my hopes. Some of their stuff is pretty good.

Kottke, who rules the A list with a velvet glove sent us flocking to Baarle-Hertog and verily, that place is messed up. And awesome. I’m putting it on my list of places to visit… So far it is #1, but it is a short list. And a work in progress. (So far it’s three places) From Baarle-Hertog we got even cooler, with the Sovereign Military Order of Malta!

Holy Crap! An order, created for crusading good times (1050 AD), and being all sovereign over Rhodes and then Malta till Napoleon kicked them out and took away their “is a state” ticket has managed to survive (for over 200 years) as a sovereign organisation without any (well much) terriroty. That is rocking.

So. I have a plan, and I’d say we have 42 years to pull it off. OK actually the 1000 year party really is irrelevant to the plan, just seemed like a good bookend. Anyway, so the whole becoming a Law Lord scheme isn’t working out well at the moment. What without me having a law degree to start with, but, I digress. Knight of Magistral Grace! Yeah. Now that is HOT. Hot like Fire. And that’s the bottom rank for these dudes.

The Third Class consists of lay members who do not profess religious vows or the Promise, but who live according to the principles of the Church and the Order.

Right, so that sounds doable. Someone start a letter writing campaign.

PS. Are you pondering what I’m pondering? (Was it this?)

Touch Shorts: FAIL

July 18th, 2008

So it’s Wednesday night and I’m getting changed out of wannabe corporate getup into wannabe rock star sports God getup. I should have plenty of time and a leisurely trip on a tram from the CBD to Albert Park. But! No shorts. Suck.

Touch isn’t till 7.20 but it’s 6.20 now. Shit. Run to the train station, watch train depart as I hustle through the turnstile (not actually a turnstile, but that will do) wait for next train. Sigh, next train is an express. No! Wait, it randomly isn’t. Jump on next train, cruise back to North Richmond Station (as seen in the Adventures of Nic, the bearded). Run home, It’s 6.40 now and I’m trying to work out if I could bike there in time. I might be able to, but I’d be exhausted. Call a taxi to come and collect me. Find shorts, get changed and run back downstairs for the taxi, which had arrived in sub two minutes.

Jump in taxi. “Home to Bel Air!” “??” “Er, the Gun Island, Albert Park” “??” Albert Park!” “Can you direct me?” “To Albert Park? Er, sure.” And off we go. Albert Park is big, it’s 2.25 km² (Hagley is 1.61 km²), it’s where the F1 is held, and it is in the middle of a suburb called Albert Park. How does the taxi driver not know where it is? I hate taxis. On to Punt Road and the driver demonstrates he really didn’t know where it was, not being sure if he should turn left or right. And hang on! How am I on $4.7 already, we have literally driven 500m (according to the Goog) Me thinks this dude screwed me for some kind of “waiting” time or something. Note to punters look at the fare immediately, not 15 seconds down the road. I hate taxis.

Onto the gridlocked horror that is Hoddle / Punt Rd for many hours of the day. It’s three lanes in both directions and for a lot of the day, it’s three lanes full of cars in both directions. We crawl down the road. On the inside lane I spot a bus. What the? That buss should be well gone by now! I roughly know the bus schedule for it is my traditional “getting to Touch bus” and it must be running very late. Ah good… I see it is making up for it by powering down the inside lane at a significantly faster rate than my taxi. I hate taxis.

Follow that bus! The bus gradually pulls away for us as I sit and fume. And game time edges closer. And the fare counter ticks over. I hate taxis. It was somewhere around Swan Street, three “short” blocks of gridlocked traffic from home, with the fare already sitting above $15 that I realise I’d made a rookie mistake. I should have just found a shop somewhere and bought new shorts, and then taken the easy tram to touch. The cost might have been more, (who can tell what this taxi will cost in the end), but at the end of the day (heh, touch RUGBY sporting cliché!) I would have had a new pair of shorts that I could I don’t know, use again? As opposed to simply getting to Touch, possibly on time, possibly not. But no. Didn’t think of that did I? And now, it is too late.

So, we putter over the river and start heading up the (Punt?) hill. At this stage I’ve started looking through the Taxi driver’s Melway for guidance on how best to actually get to the field. The fields lie opposite the F1’s Pit Lane (used in the 10 months of the year when it isn’t an F1 track for indoor Netball and Soccer) but getting into Albert Park from the east seems somewhat complicated for cars (normally I’m on foot, so somewhat oblivious to these concerns), which is why I’d named a pub to the taxi driver. It’s a known location by me that should be easy for a taxi to get to, and is over the back fence of the fields. But with time running out, I’m looking for plans with more cunning. I figure out what I think we should do, and point it out to the driver, (who has plenty of time to look at the map, did I mention the gridlock?) and he suddenly seems to know where we’re going. He suggests we go around the other side of the park as that will be much quicker. Sure! Why not? He seems to know what he’s talking about (must have misplaced Albert Park on his mind map) and it doesn’t seem any worse than what I was thinking of, so we bust out of Punt Rd and head down Toorak Rd. Sneak through Queens Way (no apostrophes in street names. It’s not my fault) nip through Kings Way and onto Albert Park road, and suddenly the traffic it is clearing! And then we’re in, and onto the F1 circuit. Putter putter putter goes my taxi slowly navigating the corners.

Hurrah! We arrive, and I still have an entire minute to pay the man and get to the game. $28 BOO! Mental note - don’t forget your shorts. Play the game, with a collection of roped in players as we’re missing a few of our own. Grab ninja intercept. Fail to score. Draw game 5-5.

There is a little epilogue to the tale of sadness: Opponents complained about our roped in players not wearing the correct uniform. So we defaulted the game as a 5-0 loss. Bah, I hate taxis.

Heh. They Put Porn on During the Rugby.

July 7th, 2008

At a little after one this morning it was 01:23:45 on the 6/7/8! Do you know where you were? I was at the beach, rediscovering how difficult writing in sand is when it isn’t wet / densely packed sand. But I was there, and that was a cool time / date thingyawhatsit. $1 to everyone who didn’t sleep through it. (Pick up only, offer not valid in Guam)

Not sure if I’ve linked American Teen (not a werewolf, and not in Paris). I like it, and I noticed at the end of the trailer that the link wasn’t to americanteenthemovie.com, although that would be correct, but rather to facebook.com/americanteen. Which is interesting, for you know, set levels of interest.

Hancock is not getting the critic love. But that did not dissuade me. Instead the 90 minute running time did. So off to Get Smart I went. And I laughed.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
The Chief: I don’t know. Were you thinking, “Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head”? If so, then yes.

I’m going to tighten up on my movie watching practices. I’ve seen a lot less films recently than I probably should have, eg I haven’t seen Indy yet (wtf), but then I go off and see comedies. Comedies do not explode when sunlight hits them, and they don’t lose as much on the small screen. Which is why I’m saving all my love for Batman and Wanted. Which will dominate a big screen. Yes.

And now, lets whore some metafilter link ups:

  • Simply noise, a site for all your streaming white noise needs. Which led me off to Wiki land to investigate the existence of other colours of noise. And yup, there are some. So that should come in handy some day… Red/Brown noise does sound like the stuff you end up with a lot of on low quality video recordings. Or I could be mental.
  • The 4468 Mallard holds the record for the fastest steam train. Which isn’t really too exciting. And neither is this video… But it does show you the serious business of Virtual Steam Train Re-enactment via Microsoft Train Sim? For all your train simulation needs. Which I guess some people have. Dan, I’m looking in your direction.
  • Also, in honour of their 4th of July celebrations someone linked some Animaniac youtuberies, I have the capitals one on MP3 and it’s pretty cool, but I hadn’t heard/seen the Nations of the World. And I certainly hadn’t seen the voice of Yakko doing the whole thing by rote, presumably some decent time after needing it for the show. (I hope to end up like this guy.)

Because I’m all about the comments, and because Mel commented on a post about four or five (who can keep up with this hectic pace? NOT BEN) thingies ago, and obviously because you all love to have your name up in lights, I give to you, “recent comment widgit what I’ve added to the sidebar. Nice one new word press goodness.”

If I don’t post my story about Canberra by this time next week, I need to book a ticket on the fail boat.

And finally, Boba Fett + Flashdance. An (awesome) lesson in patience.

PS Mel, that youtube link got shutdown.

It’s Kind Of My Fault

July 2nd, 2008

7:07:09 p.m. Wost: What you need to be doing, right, is youtubing the robot song from FOTC and painstakingly noting down the binary sequence EXACTLY as sung.
7:07:20 p.m. Wost: And then do the same with the bit from Futurama
7:07:27 p.m. Wost: And then compare the two
7:08:00 p.m. Wost: And then draw fanart where you are a black panter and leela is a mountain lion
7:08:09 p.m. Wost: and you are expressing your love for each other
7:08:23 p.m. Wost: oh yes and you are prominently pregnant
7:08:31 p.m. Wost: and leela has 3 boobs
7:08:34 p.m. Wost: no 4
7:09:02 p.m. Wost: and upload it to deviantart
7:09:08 p.m. Wost: then comes the slash fiction
7:09:15 p.m. Wost: you fry and kirk
7:09:31 p.m. Wost: i only want to hear about the binary codes though
7:09:34 p.m. Wost: got all that?
7:10:19 p.m. Wost: off to tescos, back soon for an update
7:25:21 p.m.: Wost is now Away (was Online)
7:36:49 p.m.: Wost is now Online (was Away)
7:44:53 p.m. Wost: tell me about the claws

Public Liability.

June 27th, 2008

I have been here over a year, and I vaguely mean to write some kind of “100 Days in Sodom” discussion on the things wot are different over here like. But as of yet, I haven’t. So, a mini blog on the topic:

Public liability stuff is crap. A guy at work cut his finger (we have a smeg load of big red coffee cups care of Oracle, the handles fall off. Now he knows) and we went looking for some kind of first aid kit. Found one of the secretaries for another division on the floor and asked her if she had the / a first aid kit, and she said no, “we” (the floor) don’t have one. She asked if someone was dying, and and I said no, he’d just cut his finger and we were looking for band aides.

Oh I don’t think we’re allowed those. Because (and the patient chimed in here too) “you could be allergic to them.” Apparently public liability shiz is so messed up here that if your work place provided you with a band aide and you turned out to be allergic to it… you could sue the company.

Now this might not be true. But the powers that control first aid kits act as if it were true.

And that, sir, is dumb. (Allegedly).

NB: No, it is actually dumb. Definitively.

PS. <3 ACC

A Tiny Zen Giant.

June 25th, 2008

Digshby it’s the new hotness. Waz always suffered from the “Waz MH ‘Suck’ Build” of Miranda IM, and it looks like my boss has suffered a similar fate. Whenever we went looking for plugins to awesomise basic Miranda we found the site down. This went on for some months, and although the forums came to the party, my boss was underwhelmed. He is also had random connection problems and lost faith. I went looking for Kool aide. Fun fact, one of my ICQ contacts persistently shows as offline no matter what happens. Who knows. In his seeking he found Digsby.

It has all the bells and whistles. And somehow unlike Trillian I like it. It even comes in Mac and Linux is coming soon for Mac and teh Linux. I guess Trillian just bit me with it’s haha, that was free, now it’s not. Give us money, and I went, hell no! Miranda is pro. Also, I like the simple layout of Miranda I don’t need the eye candy of Trillian. (I run old school Winamp skin and I’m proud).

But Digsby does appear to have some pretty cool stuff going on. Including very nice notification pop / reply / chat windows that worked pretty well. If I can find a less cluttered skin for it, I might take a punt. Actually, for work, where I only use one protocol, I’ll try it, hmm as long as its history functionality doesn’t blow goats.

It’s closed source but if it all goes horribly wrong, Miranda will always welcome me back. Oh, and will need to check the history is not in some horrible proprietary format of suck.

Hmm, I’m rambling.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about:

Digsby is a multiprotocol IM client that lets you chat with all your friends on AIM, MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, Google Talk, and Jabber with one simple to manage buddy list.

And if you still don’t know. Then don’t worry. It also does the Social Networking (you’ve always dreamed of) and the Emailing (you might have dreamed of, once, but you were drunk.)

Oh, good news, it will also tie into Facebook chat… Yipee.

More importantly: TBALC presents Worm Flu and You. You better believe it does.

Yes Well.

June 22nd, 2008

I just lightly burnt my fingers on my bedroom door. Not the handle, but the actual wooden door itself. I’m confident I’ve never done that before, and am vaguely impressed with myself, in a “wish I hadn’t done that” kind of way. It could have been worse, the door could have been on fire.

That would have been much worse.

I think I’ve seen all the Pixar films, except Cars. The trailer for that film really did suck and stupid “dag gum” character just failed completely to interest me AT ALL. Which given the low level normally required for that type of thing is pretty impressive. So, no Cars for me. Wall E though, that looks cool. The final(?) trailer is out now, and gives a decent view of what is actually going on.

Rup found Twilight which looks to be a retelling of the age old story “Girl meets boy. Boy is a vampire. Boy’s makeup is done by the guys who did the Lost Boys. Boy saves girl from a van. Boy uses super vamp powers for good or for awesome.”

Go look at Sam Rockwell. “Good thinking” in Choke.

Hulk Smash had the worst product placement eva. Edward Norton logs onto machine to look for Teh Data, NORTON 360 splurts onto the screen, whoring for all its worth. Ergh. Tim Roth normally rocks. In the Hulk, he does not rock so much. I blame the I’m British, I’m eeeevil.

Quentin Tarantino’s next film has NAZIS. Hurrah.

PS, I will look for you, I will find you, I will kill you. Qui-Gon, telling it like it is. (Note, he can’t fight a war for you)

PPS. Claire rocks. I have RED PLASTIC CUPS. Now I just need some friends (nearby) and I can party with RED PLASTIC CUPS (OK, I can technically party on my own, but that would be a weak use of said RED PLASTIC CUPS)

48 Hours 2008

June 19th, 2008

Cops come and try to snatch my props (to these films):

  • Pamplemousse Productions’ (Mel’s) Amour Parfait. Which while rocking harder than you, does have a tad too much Prancing, not enough Dancing. Also play along with the kids at home to spot the Schlumpf!
  • TBALC’s Übermensch made it into the Christchurch finals, was nominated for Best Actress, Best Use of Character and WON Best Use of Prop. In doing so, TBALC also came away with the First Annual Paul Willis Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. Which carries with it a hefty no money now, no money later reward. It probably did need a few more jet planes.

Hurrah for everybody.

Tweedle

June 17th, 2008

Oh hi. Sorry for the downtime. I think Mog got a bit tipsy in Paris and knocked out a thingamabob from the watchamacallit.

I saw a map from Amnesty International the other day. The security through obscurity plan for NZ is moving forward as anticipated. Strange maps had my hookup.

My men on the inside tell me that TBALC knows how to use a hairbrush. That surprises me a little. Nic could have been a consultant I suppose?

We won hockey yesterday. Rock.

“I’ve always liked Vic plates the best”

June 4th, 2008

So, MAD respects to the Old School TBALCers who got themselves into the regional final of this year’s 48 hour film festival shenanigans. That’s right they did:

TBALC – “Übermensch” – Horror

WORD. Of course, it is to be expected.

And when I say “Old School” I of course mean nothing of the sorts. In fact this years team really had only a Ben on hand to lend any credence whatsoever to the proceedings from a canonical standpoint. And more power to them.

Dave was still smoking behind the bike sheds up in Blenheim when the few the brave the slack took up the gauntlet thrown down my… um… The Crude Busters? And these others… I have serious doubts they were even born. Still musn’t grumble.

Ben tells me that in the regional heats the crowd favour was not with TBALC. Oh no. In fact apparently those poor hoi polloi mofos rated TBALC’s entry “somewhere that was after 3rd.” Shows what they (the fools) know (not much).

I await the World YouTube Premiere Screening.

A discussion of NZ number plates erupted on “the IM”, and scorn was directed at the large print. I couldn’t recall that they were too different to the AU ones. So to the WIKIGOD and lo: New Zealand vehicle registration plates, with a single photo… “A vehicle registration plate of New Zealand in the rarely-seen style used in the European Union” Well now that is useful for my comparison isn’t it. Damn you free system staffed essentially by volunteers and helpful sorts. Get me another photo! To show the ongoing awesomeness (well, in terms of finding things out and compiling them in a place readily accessible for that time when you just so happen to need to know that certain thing), we have Australian vehicle number plates.

Which remind us that NSW is peopled entirely by wankers, “The First State” or “The Premier State”, that Tasmania is a joke “Holiday Isle” and that ACT is staffed by people of enormous imagination, “The Nation’s Capital.” Smooth. Real smooth. WA doesn’t even bother to try.

Man, I’m a real Wiki lover aren’t I.

Bonus: Claire sent me a present. And to celebrate, she bought herself an iPod. Win win I assume.

My* Trailers - Let Me Show You Them.

June 2nd, 2008
  • The Foot Fist Way. Watch it. Laugh.
  • Star Wars: the Clone Wars. Watch it. Wonder at the power of Star Wars to look awesome. Exist in an awesome universe. Have (mostly) awesome characters. And still, somehow, let you down. (The line about Jabba the Hutt’s son being stolen? That hurt. On the upside, Jedis kicking arse and taking names.)
  • The Rocker. Watch it. Know that I am a rocker. And I rock out.
  • City of Ember. Watch it. Fear the style. And Tim Robbins, AND Bill Murray. Looks like Bioshock.
  • August. Watch it. Er, first post bubble tech focused film? Shrug last on the list.

Also, I’m going to Canberra next weekend. I’m taking along a Main Tank. So, votes on “should we drive to the coast to visit Jervis Bay Territory“? I will try and figure out how long it will actually take to get there. It might be a bit far. But it might be awesome. For set value of awesome.

For the record, before I forget, Ironman is fucking awesome.

Oh, and I forgot.

  • Burn After Reading. Watch it. (Not at Apple care of naff iTunes lock in) and then put up a poster asking if anyone has lost their secret CIA shit. Coen Brothers? They win. Malcovich (Malcovich). Bonus: Brad Pitt being punched in the face.

Too Slow

May 28th, 2008

Ah curses. The real world, it moves too quickly sometimes.

Last week, Me, Friends (and a resident of Kerikeri), and Fark all conspired to point out this little gem of news from NZ:

Some overly appreciative workmen got more than they bargained for in the Far North town of Kerikeri when the woman they wolf-whistled stripped bare to use a nearby ATM.

Her rational being something along the lines of “bugger them, I’ll show them what I’ve got.” (Seriously, that’s it, I’m not speculating) And fair enough too.

If you’re a bit mental.

I really didn’t get what her logic was, but hey, why not, go nuts. (PS. Don’t get raped please). The good news for everyone involved was of course that according to one of the police officers involved, Police Sergeant Peter Masters, “She’s not an unattractive looking lady.”

Which strikes somewhat of a chord with me. (and MCS, and Nina)

And you know what?

She IS a bit mental.

This morning I read that she had been arrested for “allegedly stubbing out a cigarette on the face of a bar worker.” Right on.

The woman appeared in the Hamilton District Court on Saturday charged with assault with intent to injure. She was remanded to Waikato Hospital’s mental health unit.

AND… The tap in the bathroom has been fixed. Nic, you can come back now.

I’m A Bit Shit, But I Don’t Run on Oil.

May 23rd, 2008

And forgot my Mum’s birthday. I blame my sister (unfairly). I almost fluked it and called Mum on the way to work, but didn’t and arrived home after hockey to an email from Dad. So yeah, I’m pro like. Alas. My Mum rocks though (FYI).

In unrelated news, Oil has passed $135 a barrel and there was much rejoicing… by the oil companies. (nice chart) Channel 10 had some insightful economists to quote. Apparently the price is rising because there is rising demand and not enough supply… I hope they paid them well for that insight. I get to pretty much shrug this off at the moment. Trains, Trams and Legs are going well. I know it will increase my groceries and assorted everythings that take oil to get to me. But really HELLO the American Senate. OMG! Free market…

Senators: Oil companies are you making lots of money?
Big Oil: Er, Yes? Yes we are. And how. Woooo go Money.

I don’t get it? The free market, the vaunted American go to shop of capitalism (except for their farmers and sundry other industries of theirs) is pretty OK (I think?) with oil companies making money. If the market will bear it - and it looks like it is, and more - then America should be “woo, lucky we invested in oil companies.” or not. But complaining that they’re making too much money… Well how does that gel with the “free” market?

Also, nice one Judge. Attention America - having all your notes essentially exactly the same is retarded. Also, one cent coins are a waste of time. Jump on it. Ooh! Seeeegway to this cool story I was reminded of about the Other Steve. Go read it. It’s good to be fabulously wealthy, and awesome. That’s good to.

Finally, I think that the situation in Burma is going to be a big old case study for students of international politics in the years to come. It’s fascinating really.

Country: Ow! A Cyclone! Right in the delta :(
Gaia: Suck it! Plenty more where that came from. Check out China next week… /flex
Peasants: Crap.
World: Woah! That sucks. Here have some aid. We’ll send more too.
Junta: Nah we’re good.
World: Um… we know people are dead, dieing and generally suffering. Like for reals. Take the aid!
Junta: Nah, well, k, a bit. But like, our way or the highway.
World: Yeah whatever, incoming aid, and aid type people and stuff.
Junta: Nah, we said our way, and we meant it. Back in the trucks and GTFO thanks. Especially you. You can smeg right off.
World: But….
Junta: Hello? We rule this country. Military Junta! That’s how we roll. Now, maybe give us some stuff, but we’ll give it out to who we want.
The French: We should get the UN to totally force them to take our aid, on our terms. We have a responsibility to protect!
China: Er, we’ll veto that.
World: But like!
Junta: We have guns.

So yeah it certainly sucks for all the people that need aid. But really… What are they going to do? Roll in with tanks saying Hi Junta, we’re here to distribute aid with extreme prejudice, so get out of our way we are bringing peace and love (and food)… and M16s Junta goes “Hell no.” And bam war. And that works out well for everyone. Especially them peasants. Cause peasants totally make out like bandits when it comes to war. (er, unless it is a peasant uprising and they are actually making out like bandits. But I suspect they largely end up getting screwed anyway.)

They’re a sovereign country, we can’t MAKE them take aid. OK we can (”we” = countries with power, and lets simplify an say in these situations at this time pretty much everyone means America (I guess China or even Russia could but that’s incredibly unlikely)) and in fact America is currently busy enforcing it’s will upon one and a half countries. And that’s 1) working out really well for everyone and 2) keeping it busy and stretched essentially to breaking point already.

Ain’t nobody rolling into down town Rangoon anytime soon. I doubt there is the political will to launch an invasion and these people are massive drug dealers, so even if the military, which the CIA won’t give me a number on is taken care off, you’re going to have a bunch of pissed of drug dealers. And it’s a fact, that drug dealers, all have guns. And in Asia, they all have AKs (coincidentally the preferred weapon of our enemy).

In conclusion, Waaah. They may well bend to international pressure / get the aid groups to toe whatever line they draw in the sand / figure out that holy crap everyone is dieing, lets get food for them otherwise out country is more screwed than we’d considered. Taking the leaders of sovereign nations to court, countries that haven’t had said leaders overthrown either through internal forces, or by NATO? That’s hopeful. But as a study in international politics I reckon it should be pretty interesting. Sorry I trailed off there, it’s late, and I’m talking bollox.

Much love to my hordies.

PS. Dan goes Orp Orp.

Yeah You Don’t. And You Are (Allegedly)

May 21st, 2008

Sitting at my desk at work, it’s around ten, and I look up and see a dude replacing some/one of the fluorescent bulbs down the floor a bit. Aha! I think to myself “I need him to fix the one above my desk” (which just died, rather than doing the ultra annoying flickering and or buzzing thing). So I wander down to him and say hello. At first he doesn’t respond, but I was positioned in such a way that he had to notice me when he tried to walk to the door (this was not deliberate, I was actually out of the way of everyone else, just not him.) “Hello” I said. “I don’t work here!” he retorts. Not actually yelling, but more forceful than one might expect in response to a standardised “hello.”

So we’re on the 15th floor, in the middle of the CBD, we’re a bunch of jerks, wearing our shirts, most of the guys who aren’t me are wearing suits and this dude (who I’ve never seen before) is wearing a fluoro-yellow polar fleece top, with stained grey overalls and wearing a simple tool belt and has just climbed down from a ladder.

No way? You don’t work here? I’m shocked. As I’m thinking this, he blurts out that he’s an electrician.

This too seems obvious. What with him having just replaced a light bulb in the ceiling of out office and being attired like one might expect an electrician to be.

So I asked him about my light, and he confirmed that yes he was doing the whole floor, and off he trundled.

So yeah, I laughed…

Them Internet Jokers

May 19th, 2008

British guy who killed a doctor with a hammer may be released from prison, due to Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery

Well played Subby indeed! I laughed. I’m pretty sure this was my “gateway song” if you will, which you will, to the Beatles. I rather liked it, and it got me into the rest of Abbey Road.

I hadn’t heard it for years; until out on my pretentious suit shopping expedition last week.

Lawyers for Wilson said in the application to overturn the whole-life tariff that at the time there had been medical evidence showing that he suffered from an “untreatable psychopathic disorder”.

Untreatable psychopathic disorder? That’s a paddling.

Wiki is great, Tonight (presenter name), I’ve been learning about Charles Manson.

Calling it a gateway song is ludicrous. G’night.

(My five blogs in six nights was a hell of a miserable failure. To make up for it, I’m going to Cannnnberra to honour the birth of the Queen.)

May 13th, 2008

Today I’m wearing a tie to work. Is my pimp hand still strong?

Fuh Fuh Fuh

May 1st, 2008

Whenever the R2-D2 DVD player projector wazzamacallit was announced I went to my two Star Wars go to guys and it was agreed. This is awesome. Now, video comes to our aid. And lo, it is awesome. Ben, if you were getting married like now, this could have been on your list :)

Flight of the Conchords > You. However, this Austrian psycho, sucks hard.