Bueller

January 22nd, 2012

Officers tried to negotiate with the man but he armed himself with a garden spade and an LPG cylinder that was leaking gas.

Well New Zealand, I’ve got to say I’m a little disappointed. According to a Police spokeswoman, this is “not an everyday occurrence.” Well, according to the NZ Herald that’s what she said (heh). But anyway, apparently, this is NOT an everyday occurrence, what happened NZ you used to be cool?

The article also states:

Police used pepper spray to little effect and shot him with a taser.

Mr Lynch said the man continued to display aggression towards police and refused to comply with their directions.

“He advanced upon police and was shot in his leg.”

He was so drunk that pepper spray didn’t effect him? U mad bro? But that’s fine, what I’m curious about is that they shot him with a taser – and he continued to display aggression… I thought when you were tasered you displayed spasming and loss of bodily functions. I guess we assume that the taser didn’t work, and if so, why doesn’t the Herald mention or comment on this? Aren’t tasers meant to be somewhat of a cure all? Finally, I am curious as to how you know an LPG bottle is “leaking” gas.

That’s it, off you go.

Oh, actually – the bridge that the title photo for this blog came from was renovated and the graffiti is gone. Alas.

Been Caught Groping

November 4th, 2010

Don’t blame me (any more than usual) for the rambling, I wrote this as an email to MCS one day when she thought the sky was falling. It wasn’t, it was just me. Months later, I post it here… INGENIOUS. To whit:

We went to the new ice rink, and it was packed, like crazy full. And I was skating around, ‘cause ya know, I got them mad skills, or at least I have better skills than most, but not as good as people who can actually skate.

The problem is that there are lots of people who are stupid, and do things like stop right in the middle of the lane, and or move from side to side erratically, with no thought of the people behind them.

And I can probably accelerate and or go faster than I can decelerate, which is a bit bad. And this girl was going along then suddenly both stopped and took this sort of half step to the left and I was just about to go around her, but then couldn’t. So collided with her. And so we were going to fall over, because mass of Me + velocity of Me = small girl gunna fall over, so in an attempt to prevent injury / falling too horribly (and probably most out of instinct or whatever, including perhaps that wild flailing you do when you’re falling (cause I was falling too yo)) I grabbed her, and I mean, theoretically speaking I would have been going for her waist, the kind of place you grab people when they’re falling over no? But nah, that isn’t where I ended up grabbing her.

So then we fell over and I was like oh shit oh shit oh shit, she’s gunna deck me. But she didn’t. and then I skated quickly away to where the girls were and hoped I didn’t get reported as the big ice skating bearded boob grouping menace.

For the record, she was very apologetic to me, in one of those everyone sort of apologises to everyone kind of ways, as I was definitely apologising for grabbing her chest in a way that suggested I was about 14. But as far as I know, she didn’t call the Grope Police on me, no doubt because of my awesome “run away and cower by two girls that don’t believe I’m a total letch” escape plan. See above: INGENIOUS.

Well Presumably You Can Change It

September 17th, 2010

Walking down the pedestrian / cyclist shared pathway alongside Wellington Parade on Wednesday, passing through the southern edge of Fitzroy Gardens I am passed by a mountain biker at speed.

There’s some form of official looking ute parked on the path, so he ollies off it, and onto the grass – something goes tumbling out of his pocket and onto the ground. He continues on unaware and I’m far enough away that I judge my shout of “oi” would go unheard.

I wander along and scout about in the grass; finding myself an iphone.

A German iphone it turns out, as I push the button and am confronted with an “unlocken” or something, more Germanic. (I thought it started with an E, but google tells me that unlock in German is “öffnen” and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that.)

Does it have a PIN lock? No. No it doesn’t, and oh good Facebook app front and centre. Guess I’ll be updating your status with “Hey fun boys – I’ve got your phooone.”

I approach the road that runs through the middle of the park and ask the council worker guy why the road is closed and what’s with the tents and live band in the park – some kind of fundraiser for the Leukaemia Foundation. “Ah” I say.

The cyclist returns and asks very politely if I found his… Yes, and I hand it back to him. He is very happy, not very German, but German ENOUGH.

You have DIED of dysentery

April 4th, 2010

So last night I went and watched She’s out of my league, and I did laugh some, and oh my I did cringe some, but that’s not important.

It had Mrs Forman as the guy’s mum and then now as I sit on the couch I’m watching Red Forman as the Chief of Staff in Broken Arrow. Yup… true story.

“The guy” by the way is Jay Baruchel, who you remember from Fan Boys, but also from Almost Famous where I remember him being one of the male groupie guys chasing the bands.

On the previous discussion of films that are the same but different how did I miss Surrogates versus Gamer

Oh hey, the bomb just cut to 2:13, super.

Derp the Confirmation Bias.

February 1st, 2010

Heq saved the front page of stufffrom being blank, so I guess that’s a bullet dodged. Good job Heq. He also posted photos of me punching out, then eating out(?) a loaf of bread. I suspect many people would have grown out of that carry on by now. But apparently not me. I did it all for the cookie.

On my elongated ride home today I came across a guy on the corner of Victoria and Burnley trying to hail a taxi in essentially the middle of the intersection. He wasn’t standing in traffic, but he was in the middle of one side of the intersection. No idiot child, the taxis will not stop for you there. Stop being dumb.

If you’re looking for, and lets be honest who isn’t, a recommendation on dental floss, I present to you the REACH “Clean Paste”, I rate it as nice, in the same way I’ve rated all previous dental floss as shit.

So, I don’t know why I was watching it, except that I’d finished watching Fanboys and couldn’t be bothered sitting through There Will Be Blood, but along came The Core and watch it I did. Yeeees. And why the hell not, with Delroy Lindo blasting holes in rocks and my man DJ Qualls rocking them Internets.

[when asked what it would take to get the ship ready within 3 months]
Dr. Ed ‘Braz’ Brazzelton: [laughing] Fifteen billion dollars… I…
General Thomas Percell: [with straight face] Will you take a check?
Dr. Josh Keyes: Why don’t you use a credit card? You get miles.

And as I watched it, I wondered where our fourth favourite 90210er was, Mister Luke Perry. Turns out, he was in Descent, a different movie, where them government folk (including WORF) are up to no good, and have caused blah, and now have to get meh to drive into the center of the Earth to do foo to save us all. Which explained a lot. Well, it explained why Luke Perry wasn’t in the film I was watching.

And I got to wondering.

I got to wondering, what’s DJ Qualls up to after Road Trip? (Well, Delta Farce, but I haven’t seen that, and The New Guy was before Road Trip, but I digress, and sound a bit like a stalker), BUT, er, sadly he is up to Road Trip! Again, with the direct to DVD… oh dear.

Meanwhile, did you know Luke Perry’s real name is “Coy Luther Perry III”?

But I also got to wondering, do we have a word for this “Couple of films with the same plot withing a very short period of time”? Is it simply that someone comes up with a good (enough) plot, gets it green lighted and enough info leaks out that someone else figures, “hey what the hell?” and picks up the ball and runs with it? Is it semi rational on the basis of some funky economic shenanigans whereby if you have one supermarket and open a second one next to it the total custom will actually increase on average across both stores? Is it nothing like this at all? Is it simply that all script writers are depressed that their (to quote Dan) “hot-teen-vampires-facing-contemporary-life-issues-in-Malibu pilot didn’t get picked up”, and have nothing better to do than ninja a plot and head for the (Hollywood) hills – or closest film studio thereof? Or er, stuff?

I’m looking at YOU:

  • Volcano and Dante’s Peak
  • A Bug’s Life and Antz
  • Armageddon and Deep Impact
  • Rob Roy and Braveheart
  • and most recently, The Prestige and The Illusionist

And I’m looking at YOU Sunshine to provide me with some commentary around this, kkthxbi.

Then today after work I fired up some Apple.com/trailers and what did I see, but Repo Men, what the HELL? I thought. Didn’t we just have Repo: The Genetic Opera?! Yes, we did. I went and learned about Anthony Stewart Head, and y’all did too. So I watched the trailer, and have you watched it yet? Do so. Done so?

Good.

And so I watched the trailer, and WHAT THE?! Seriously?! The same God damn plot. OK, obviously not, but the same: replacement organs, debt, vaguely hot girl, more debt, collection, plot, plot, OH NOES, plot etc?! REALLY Hollywood? This being the Internet, someone had my back with an extended list on the IMDB forums.

Of course, this thunder signifies nothing. I’ll watch it, and I’ll like it. How could I not? Ghost Dog vs. Sky Captain. HA! browsing the cast list, and we see Ashleigh Hubbard making her big screen debut as… Hot Girlfriend… Still, I guess someone has to. And she’s going to be in Kick Ass too, so ya know, her stock must be on the way up. Wish mine was.

Dan’s here in a few days. So we’re driving to Broken Hill. Requests for photos of Dan performing immoral acts while I tear through upper Victoria will be actioned on a first in first served basis.

PS, “In a poll of hundreds of scientists about bad science fiction films, The Core was voted the worst.”

DRIBBLE OVER. For now.

Itinerant Monkey

January 12th, 2010

Man, the end of The Transporter with it’s stupid cessna shit really chaps my arse. But the “What kind of shit am I in?” “Very deep shit.” is amusing, and really I can hate on Jason Stratham, he’s awesome. Did you know Vinnie Jones is in UK Celebrity Big Brother? Well he is. And now you know. So too is Bass Hunter, who you probably don’t know, unless you’re into some kind of dance music that I can’t name (though it don’t sound like handbag to me), or you’re a Warcraft player who is into DOTA. I don’t really recall how I know this either, although it is certainly the fault of the BBC.

At the RATM concert I ticked off “shirtless sweaty guy at a rock concert” from the list of things to do, and after my run on Sunday I can tick off another. “Shirtless runner guy who probably shouldn’t be shirtless”, but in my defence, directly prior to that I was “embaressing bleeding from the nipple runner guy.” Nobody wins in that scenario. Nobody. I have BodyGlide for inner thigh chafing and it worms very well, on he chest it might not be up to the task. As Ben is no doubt saying, time I get myself a sports bra I guess.

Yesterday in Melbourne was rather warm, but last night in Melbourne was nasty. An overnight low of 30.6 at ten to nine the next morning? Yah boo sucks to that. I actually thought I slept OK, but then again I was up, showered and sitting downstairs with my head in my hands drinking orange juice by 7:30 in the morning. So perhaps not. We did fire up our purloined portable aircon for the first time this summer, but its ability to do sod all to upstairs persists. Walking up the stairs passes you through one of them temperature gradiant thingies. And you end up melting. Also, temperature gradiant is probably not the term I’m looking for, but this WP app keeps eating parts of my posts, so I refuse to go look it up. You can, if you’re game.

I had an epic fail on Thursday and I’m a bit mopey, in a related note I handed in my notice before Christmas, so have only two more weeks of work. Wowza. Posts may be even more sporadic till I resolve things.

For the record, I don’t actually run. I lurch. Like a zombie. Still, cardio.