Archive for October, 2006

Blog Flurry #20

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Dear Eloi

So for the last few weeks I have been working not one, not two, but THREE jobs. Oh yes, I work hard for my money. Or not. But I do get to the point of working for it. Job number three came to me in the good old fashioned “know the HR manager” way that jobs so often do. “Want to come work in the stores for three weeks?” they asked “yes.” I said. “Come in for a meeting with the head of sotres.” they said, “don’t worry about coming in to see me. Just show up for work on Friday” the head of stores did. And so I did. Net profit to me: one job.

Score.

I was employed by the hotel formerly known as the Park Royal to fill in for a dude going off to get married. So….

When stock (such as milk, vegetables, various meats etc) arrives at the hotel it comes to the loading bay which is located at street level. The delivery guys take it out of the truck, we check that they have given us the correct stuff and place it on a our trolleys. (think pallet jacks, but without the jack) and then we take it wherever it needs to go. Usually to either the dry goods store or to one of the numerous fridges. The thing about these locations is that they are not on street level – they are up a floor.

So we jump in the lift with our goodies and ride the slowest lift in the world up one floor. The lift itself does not travel slowly, oh no, that is not its problem. Its problem is that it takes a very long time to close the doors prior to commencing lifting. And it has no “close now” button, and sometimes, just for fun it closes the door halfway, then aborts. Thinks about what it may or may not have done wrong for sometime before tentatively going about closing the doors. It is sucky. And everything I did in that job involved the lift. OK, not everything but most things. All food and other stuff, except alcamahol, had to go up in the lift, and whenever I went anywhere it involved the lift. In the first hour of a day I rode up and down in the lift over ten times. I was the lift master.

The first hour of the day it should be noted, was 0800 to 0900, and that was a suck. Finishing at 1400 good, starting at 0800 bad. I found that if I wasn’t in bed by 0030, then getting up and making it to the 0721 bus to town was significantly more sucky than really should have been necessary.

On the upside, upon getting to work there was free coke. Bottomless free coke. Now that is my kind of employer. Also free food. An entire cafe of free food that changed daily. Which was nice. Not the best in the world, but good, bad, free + free coke was super.

On the downside was the environment of the Morlocks. For truely we dwelt in the swers of the building. Not the actual sewers, but certainly the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue. Which was not really as bad as the height of the roof. Low. Not even a nice genuine low roof where everything is low, but the more annoying breed of low roof known as the “surprise” low roof. This is the type that randomly unleashes low door frames, pipes or light fixtures at your forehead.

To protect my frontal lobe I developed a hunchback loping walk that allowed me to avoid all attacks until the fourth shift. The fourth shift attack was a tricky one. I was in the beer fridge which has a lower roof than the rest of the “tunnels” but I was aware of that, and looking funky. That was until I stood (still in semi crouch) up into a big old fashioned light, that made the low roof even lower. Suck. However, there was not labotnomy and I live to fight another day.

So, a standard day involved showing up and getting into my nicely drycleaned uniform and heading down to Morlock central. Usually when I arrived the milk delivery (inc. yoghurt and butter and stuff) would be sitting waiting (possibly in wait) for me. So I’d take it up to the fridge an unleash the milk. Then back to the dock for me. My partner in crime and I would then head back up the lift to the dry goods sotre and take whatever the kitchen had ordered the 40m or so it was from the store to them. Apparently only Pastry is organised enough for this system to work properly, and it did seem that way to me. They ordered heaps of stuff, and got it daily, while the other sections got a few things occasionally. Once this was done the booze needed distributing. A lot of it. All over the show.

By now it was probably 0930, maybe 1000, and the vegetables would arrive. Up to the firdges they went. Then that was about it for the day.

Yup. From then on, it was just accepting whichever deliveries we happened to get and putting them away. We did get a bunch of orders every day, juice, various meats and seafoods as well as misc stuff. Sometimes it came all at once, which was good as it kept us busy, sometimes it came every so often which was good as it left me time to read my book, and sometimes it came not very often at all. Which was better as I got to read my book even more. This was especially true when others were on their break, or delivering stuff or out and about. As we always had to have someone at the dock incase something showed up. And often it was me. So I read my book. Speciffically I read Deception Point by Dan Brown who wrote The Da Vinci Code. It wasn’t as good as that, but once it got over its slow start it was pretty cool.

Back to the working…

Palm Sugar.
Crayfish.

And now for something completely different:
Fark headline of the day:

Spacewalker upgrades ISS, heard complaining that he wanted to go to Toshi station to pick up some power convertors.

Aha. Amusing. Also, pointed me to toshistation.com which I must say is a thing. A is indeed for Ackbar.

Originally drafted  06 September 2004 @ 19:24

Blog Flurry #19

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

Fine For Improper Use

http://duke.a-13.net/ Oh yes, those Duke Nukem Forever boys will have it done by Christmas. Right on.

Originally drafted reasonably recently.

Blog Flurry #18

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

InterFaith Hockey League:
Holy Hitters
Lord’s Horde
Bad Habits
Skating Sheikhs
Red Hook Rabbi’s
IMANS
Clergy of the Cloth
Stormin’ Mormon’s

Originally drafted sometime around three months ago.

Blog Flurry #17

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

Hot Guest Blog Action #1

As promised, a guest blog. My friend; Pete the Bastard writes:

With NZ music month finally over and after brief discussion with TIM as to how and why exactly I whore myself out in the fashion that I do, I thought I would write something about it all. More specifically the 24hour music showcase that was the most tragic pile of shit I have seen in some time – “National Anthem.”

Right off the bat, 24 hours of live NZ music! Who the fuck are you trying to kid?!? People are actually going to watch it? Fat chance. Now don’t get me wrong, I love NZ music. I own all sorts of it ranging from the dulcet tones of Don McGlashin to the crazy distorted guitars of Garageland, and, on the whole I like it. But 24 hours of it, ‘live and for free’ in my face is not pleasant.

Not since the days of Telethon, the mighty 24 hour fundraisers based around the idea of getting English Coro stars to shag American entertainment ‘news readers’ has such a bad idea been put into action. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

You guessed it folks, I was there for a large portion of it. My favourite experience of the night coming from the strange wasted guy that TVNZ thought it fitting to employ to ‘rev up’ the crowd from just after midnight till about 7am, who told as many people as would listen how great he was feeling about his work after the large amount of ‘P’ he had just smoked. Go him. Now I don’t mind people taking drugs, but to do it and then go to work!?! They can go to hell, they can go to hell and die for all I care. Fuckers.

Anyway, the highlights, presented in full colour timeline…

9pm – arrive at shitbox venue in Auckland, get hassled by oversized under educated security guard, who thinks for some reason that I might actually want to go and ‘hang out’ backstage at a crap gig… retard.

9:30pm – Angry Gav (yes folks, I work with a guy called angry Gav) goes home. Good on him.

10:15pmish – Hello Sailor perform and prove to be even less talented than what they were 15 years ago. I and you (if you were stupid enough to watch) were informed that the lead singer has some sort of solo career. WTF! Who would have cared!

11:30pmish – King Kapisi performs and is good. Highlight being the MC battle that takes place in between ad breaks in the crowd. Was very cool.

Midnight – Wasted guy arrives. I get told that catering is closed.

1:30am – The operations manager from my company goes home. Good on him too.

2am – I discover catering isn’t closed! And there was much rejoicing.

6:30am – the Ukulele (mini Hawaiian guitars) orchestra (that’s right, orchestra) performs. They are tragic, but there were 32 Ukulele played my small children. Dan would have cried.

7am – BREAKFAST! Sweet. It was terrible, but I was hungry.

10am – go home, sleep for an hour, wake up – go play netball. WIN!

There is more, I finished at about 1am on Monday morning, but it is possibly less exciting than the highlights. A special mention should go to TVNZ and the team in Auckland who managed to not take a single wide shot for 22 hours, before tragically remembering that it wasn’t a) the news, or b) a cooking show.

Finally, worthy of mention to anyone who did watch it. I can promise you that the large amount of blue that you witnessed was in no way caused by lighting. TVNZ own cameras that have this wonderful ability to turn almost any colour at all blue. It really is amazing. Except for red. Red comes out Blurple.

In good news, people actually pay me to hate going to work, so it�s not all bad. Don’t get me started on top of the pops. NZ T.O.T.P = 0.0013% British (this figure is based on a comparison of weekly budgets)

Go us!

Pete

Luther: Now comment goons. Comment so that we may feel the love, and so I can get tax exemption.

Originally drafted 8th June, 2004 @ 12:35… I can’t believe I never posted this. Sorry Pete.

Blog Flurry #16

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

GMail Thoughts

Google will soon launch GMail (currently in beta), a web based email solution just like Microsoft’s hotmail. In a somewhat surprising move, Ben has out geeked me and got himself an account already thanks to his “active” use of one of Google’s purchases: Blogger.

GMail has caused all sorts of strife on the web, oh yes. Dive Into Mark’s Mark slammed GMail for having the suckiest accessibility ever. But he does say that it is still only in Beta (although many of his complaints seem core to the thing, so I’m not sure what might be done to fix the problem). Also, he is an accessibility freak, so this is the kind of thing he is really into. And there was a response, which is nice.

More concern however has been raised by two aspects of GMail’s service. Firstly Google has admitted that not all email will be able to be instantly deleted completely utterly and unrecoverably, and secondly that The Machines will scan your emails to allow Google to insert its ad-words advertising system onto the screen to finance it’s vette. Or in this case, increase its pile of money.

The deletion issue seems to me to be rediculousFUD. Google is going to be handing out a Gig (1,000 Meg) of server space for your email. A Gig! As opposed to the what? 2 Meg provided by Hotmail. That is a lot of email, even with 20 Meg attachements. (Some /. link)
In totally unrelated news, I am also for the party that does the most mouth shooting.

I’m still in favour of the mouth shooting.

Originally drafted 22nd April 2004 @ 23:26

Blog Flurry #15

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006

Two Stories Involving Netball

Righto,

So I play netball, too often at the moment, about three times a week. Should play less, and thesis more. Have at least stopped playing soccer twice a week.

Fridays netball is classed as “most serious” of games, for it is in big bad super league, or league between all Christchurch indoor clubs rather than other days when it is just versus other teams at your running around in a big net location of choice.

Anyway, last Friday my team was playing and I

… and I WHAT? Who knows what I was going to write. And then write ANOTHER story. Oh how I know you’re crying out for the netball story love. But anyway.

Originally drafted 22nd February 2004 @ 00:19