Hic Sunt Dracones

Anyway, as most of you know, but some allegedly don’t, in three weeks time I’ll be in Melbourne, on Phase One of my International Man of Mystery World Tour 07-Onwards.

I know you thought the day would never come, and OK admittedly it hasn’t actually done so yet, but believe me it will. And you’ll be sorry. You will be. Well, some of you will probably relish this opportunity to escape my iron rule, but you’ll find I have that problem all sewn up. I’m looking at you Steel Workers of America.

I have organised a flat, in record time. In under 20 minutes I went from “Hey Michelle, I’m coming to crash on your couch, air out the East Wing, and hire a new butler” to “Oh, our flat mate is moving out two weeks later” to “I’m going to be two weeks late. Better have the butler make up the Ex Flatmate room and clear my schedule” Well, something like. So mad props to MCS and her persisting flatmate who has a name that can apparently legitimately be pronounced as both a type of bird and a festive gathering. So that’s good. Someone will probably point out that I haven’t actually ever looked for a flat, so really the time probably isn’t a record, but it is a damn sight better than spending the first week in Melbourne living on someone’s couch running from place to place hunting flats with a pitch fork – well… the pitch fork would be fun, but still.

As for a job, well that’s sorted too. Or so I keep telling myself. Silly really, because it isn’t. But, I’m on it… As soon as I kill this skeleton.

So why Melbourne they all say. Seriously, everyone says it. I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to suspect there is either something really cool in Melbourne, or Bird Flu.

Well I need to get this show (IMMWT 07-Onwards) on the road, for time is a wasting. And Melbourne seems like a nice enough place. It is far enough away to be almost out of my comfort zone, and yet close enough to be cheap. I have saved some money, but not nearly as much as I should have. Surprising precisely no one. And the money I have saved, doesn’t look to last me very long once I hit the streets of London. From what I can tell there’ll be a wizened oriental gentleman trying to flog DVDs of 300 to me right now MAN! and all my lovely lucre will be spent on bootlegged DVDs, Marmite, and from Dan’s stories, hookers. I think.

So yes, Melbourne seems like a good enough staging post for the phase two and subsequent numbers, and will at least get me packed up from one overflowing room of stuff, down to three overflowing packs of “Oh God I need all of this crap, honest.” Actually the packing has already reached a curious phase, where I realise that given this is a long term thing, I probably should take my gym/running shoes with me, as I’ll probably want to go to the gym/exercise, and yet at the same time I realise just how much space my clothes take up. If I wore string bikinis 24/7 the packing situation would be solved, but I fear there’d be trouble brewing.

Party will be held. I believe I’ve told the happy couple at the Rainbow Love Mansion they’re in charge of the festivities. And they didn’t cry out excessively, so I’ll take that as acceptance. And also partial payment. If you don’t know where the RLM is, ask someone who does. If you’re reading this you’re invited. If you’re not reading this, but somehow sensing it through the milieu of time and space (ROCK) you’re invited too. In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to not be invited.

PS. Anyone who has some cunning things what I should do before embarking, feel free to tell me.

Well, if it isn’t post one THOUSAND? Well yes it is*. To honour this arbitrary celebration of blogging and of course also counting, I give to you One Thousand Words in One Thousand Minutes. Excepting of course that one thousand minutes is really a bit long, so it will be a more manageable one hundred minutes. Or if I type faster, less er, minutes. My time starts sixty seven words ago, or approximately a minute and a bit ago.

Hmmm, well now that I’ve set this all up I’m a bit lost. So first of all some house keeping:

My post of December 20th pleading for everyone to learn how to fix up the email settings in their email client of choice wasn’t designed to be mysterious, menacing or vague. It was designed to be taken at face value. I’d spent much of the day on the phone to various clients of ours who had struggled to cope with Xtra’s connection to the rest of the world falling over. How this relates to email settings is a bit longer and additionally boring than we need to go into here, but yeah. Email settings: they’re not that hard, and email clients don’t actually make it to difficult to sort these things out. In keeping with this theme (as ill defined as it stands) when you can’t send email… It probably isn’t the person who hosts your website’s fault. I mean it might be, but I suggest you look first to your Internet Service Provider… yeah you know, those guys that provide wassama call it? Oh yeah, Internet Service.

My post of December 22nd dealt with a topic known amongst the fine, upstanding and thoroughly studious bunch of fellows that we all are, as Post Essay Relaxation. This was the enormous sense of well being and joy that washed over you as you sat in the computer lab with literally minutes to go before the essay was due and contemplated a completed masterpiece. I believe Ben holds the unenviable record for the period of PER of some few minutes when at some early hour of the morning he finished one essay due at nine, only to almost immediately start work on the other essay due at nine… the same day. In my case it was more a case of finishing a project due the Friday before Christmas. And I was well pleased. Now some might say “what’s the point opening a store then? Nobody will show up” (even to a virtual store) and…. you’d be right. But this client actually had a pretty good reason for wanting it up by then so we said OK. And charged them appropriately, and I worked pretty hard on it for a couple of days. And the Boss and I stayed late one night (just like essays) and got it finished. And lo, I did relax. Of course in the end the client didn’t come through with their side of things, and at the end of January the store was still not live…

So that’s that sorted out. And now good grief, we’re in March. I honestly don’t follow how this stuff happens so quickly. I assume its because I’m getting older, and parts of my brain are slowing down relative to time, but my perceptions haven’t changed, so it just seems like time is flying past while I go about my business. So yes almost three months between these here blogs. You know it must have been a long time because in the interim not only has Ben blogged, but Nic has blogged, and indeed as we check the ballot sheets, Si has blogged! Some kind of Superfecta must be in effect. Hamish anyone? No, but more on him later. I had a post all lined up to steal Nic’s thunder, erm, whatever that might have been, Si’s regarding his jaunt to foreign parts and of course Ben’s job goodness. I don’t think enough joy was spread on the Ben gets a job front, I mean we partied it up large once Si hit the road, but Ben didn’t get much beyond a rolling Mexican wave. So grats him. Warwick of course has had a son. He doesn’t have a blog, having cunning let his site lapse and fade away so he never had to show his face at the who is the slackest blogger awards we hold each August in the Lincoln Bedroom. Congratulations to them. I’m sure he will be a fine Horse Lord one day or the philosophical avatar of a God, if that’s more how you were thinking.

Of course, this isn’t actually the 1000th post of this blog, I should go check the DB, but I know that at least some of the numbers are of non existent posts, and some are of posts that aren’t yet published. Some of those eventually get posted (see previous Blog Flurry), but some are just one line notes to myself about things I should put in a blog or something. So I think the actual number would be a bit lower. Though I will make some effort in the next few weeks to track down some of the stuff written circa 2000/1(?) on Mog’s initial Stuff System. And to hell with you, I’ll capitalise what I want. And I’ll spell capitalise with an s while I’m at it. And I’ll start sentences with and. And end it with a preposition. Wait, no, and is a conjunction. Carrying on.

Congratulations on being born also for: me, my sister, Sara, James, Pen and Tim M. In that order I think. Well, excepting my sister being a few years out of place.

And honestly that is how 1000 words a 100 minutes fly past. While I was here I also erased a few drives and feel comfortable calling anyone who uses seven screws to secure a hard drive into a standard drive bay a wanker.

This sentence serves only to hit 1000 words, OK? (0136)